My revision plan begins with revising my thesis. I want to reconsider how my thesis is worded and make sure that my ideas are clear. Next I will be adding another claim to my paper. I want to talk about the negative effects technology can have on the brain. I also may add in a couple of more quotes into my paper. One of the most important things I need to do is go back and read my sentences aloud. I found the article read in class to be extremely helpful when trying to stray away from run on sentences. I also think by reading aloud will allow my organization and sentence flow to improve. The final important thing that I need to improve my paper is to fix my introduction and conclusion. My introduction needs to be less choppy and explain my topic better. My conclusion needs to be longer and refer back to my claims made in the paragraphs. It is important for me to wrap up my ideas and why they are important to my thesis.
