My revision plan begins with revising my thesis. I want to reconsider how my thesis is worded and make sure that my ideas are clear. Next I will be adding another claim to my paper. I want to talk about the negative effects technology can have on the brain. I also may add in a couple of more quotes into my paper. One of the most important things I need to do is go back and read my sentences aloud. I found the article read in class to be extremely helpful when trying to stray away from run on sentences. I also think by reading aloud will allow my organization and sentence flow to improve. The final important thing that I need to improve my paper is to fix my introduction and conclusion. My introduction needs to be less choppy and explain my topic better. My conclusion needs to be longer and refer back to my claims made in the paragraphs. It is important for me to wrap up my ideas and why they are important to my thesis.
Short Sentence Revision
In Thomas King’s TEDx talk, he explains that we do not need to remember as many things that we used to in the past considering we have information available to us at almost any time
In Thomas King’s TEDx talk, he explains how there are many changes in the way we used to live. Considering we can have information available to us at any time, we do not have to remember things like we used to.
Why would they have any other reason to believe that doing two or three things at the same time would be more productive than doing each task at separate times?
What other reason do they have to believe that doing two tasks at once would be more productive the doing them each individually?
Although the brain is meant to do more than one thing at the same time, such as walking and chewing gum, multitasking is not necessarily doing two things at once efficiently. What happens is, the brain shifts rapidly between the two tasks.
Our brain is meant to do more than one thing at a time. If this were not true, then we would not be able to walk and chew gum at the same time. Multitasking, however, is not doing two things at once, it causes the brain to shift rapidly back and forth between the two tasks.
One thing that many people decide to do to distract themselves is multitask.
A common distraction in today’s world is multitasking.
Prompt 2 Brainstorm
The three texts I will be using are Restak’s “Attention Deficit: The Brain Syndrome of Our Era” Anderson’s “In Defense of Distraction” and King’s “Adults, We Need to Have the Talk.” My main argument is that the wealth f constant informations is weakening young minds. Before technology, life was more calming and less busy. In today’s world, we are in a state of constant change and multitasking. This causes the demands on our brain to increase. When this happens, our brain can become overburdened causing it to become inefficient and prone to mistakes. This constant use of our brains is literally beginning to change the structure of it. Kings states that knowledge is power, but now we can have access to any information at a given moment. Both Anderson and Restaktalk about ADHD so this topic will be discussed in a separate paragraph.
